Dentalphobia

Let me fill you in on a little secret, mmmmk? I am somewhat dentalphobic-not scared of the teeth, but the dentist. Never had the problem til about 4 years ago while in California (surprise-NOT) I went to the friendly nearby dentist-on the plan, of course, for a cleaning. Well, lo and behold, Miss Doctor Dentist Lady was APPALLED at the fact that I still had my shiny metal molar fillings that had worked just damn fine for oh....about 25 years. She saw this little country bumpkin who must have fallen off the turnip truck as it was passing through (because we Southerners would never be able to find our ignorant selves in California on purpose!) and found DOLLAR SIGNS. I was a travel nurse at the time. Great job, money out the wazoo. So she checks my insurance, and tells me they can remove those 'unsightly' fillings and replace them with a composite material that will even match my teeth and be even stronger than those OLD ones, all compliments of my insurance~they would even waive the deductible to give me this 'opportunity.' Well, I should have known better. But the idea having invisible fillings was cool. I was in L.A., baby, and EVERYONE had perfect teeth. What the hell. We planned to do them in 4 stages; top right, bottom right, top left, bottom left. I show up the first morning at 8 am, coming off a 16 hour night in one seriously rocking trauma center. I fall asleep in the chair-no problem-I did that all the time when I worked nights. They have numbed me, drilled me, picked me , molded and filled me. They wake me up for the 'grind your teeth on this blue paper' routine. While I am doing this, the receptionist tells the good dentist that her next appt has canceled. It is now 10:15. I can't feel my legs, I am so tired. They tell me, Hey! you can just stay and we will go ahead and do the bottom ones too! (Note to self-NEVER agree to do ANYTHING without sleeping first) Sure! Why not, I'm here, half-numb-why not? 2 hours later, I am white-knuckling the chair, jumping every time I hear a drill, and hyperventilating. They give me Ativan-2mgs of it-did she get this from her purse??-before I can let go of the chair.

I never went back for the other side. So when you see me, remind me to open wide and I can show off the BEE-YOUUUUUU-TIFUL work! on the right side of my mouth.

But now, at nearly 40, I have to have nitrous to even get a CLEANING. Sweaty palms, white knuckles-that's me. And I am just handing them my insurance card.

Monday (day of the weird dream), my second waking thought (after the WTF? from the dream) was DAMN...my mouth HURTS. I took some motrin, got on with life..and by lunch it was throbbing. FINE. I call the local dentist-another lady-I SWEAR why can't they just do the damn filling already-and get an appt for this afternoon.

I have made it this far...I think I can muck through it without the laughing gas. NOPE. She does an X-ray, and delivers SUCH wonderful news...'the composites don't seal onto the yadayadayada. Blah blah, blah root canal. WHAT????????ROOT CANAL!!!!!!NOOOOOOOOOO! She refuses to just fill my tooth. She does however offer to pull it.

I will not put in print what my thoughts are at this time. Rest assured, I HOPE THE BITCH BURNS IN HELL. WITH A TOOTHACHE.

Hens must have teeth. (Q. Do hens have teeth? A. No but the archaeopteryx did. ) BULLSHIT.